Have you ever been?

On the verge of losing it.  I mean, it's been one of those weeks, those mornings where my calendar looks like a pizza-diferent colors, toppings and cheeses.  It's been the week where you only eat peanut-butter covered bananas and miniature oatmeal cookies from Trader Joe's.  It's the day like every other day where you wake up and wonder just how you are going to be able to pour your son's cereal, serve him a healthy egg and his exactly 5 vitamins, then concoct your daughter's highly secretive breakfast (because you are the only one who knows how to create it) that consists of more potions, medicines and fats than the ingredients of a highly complicated Martha Stewart recipe.  And then you have to deal with yourself and by then, you are eating the banana, which your three year old will want a bite of.  And you give it to him to avoid a tantrum.

We're watching Sesame Street because my son just pooped on the potty and I promised him a coveted TV show if he did just that....and I'm reviewing my morning which started after breakfast.  I evaluated my hair while my daughter was scarfing down her bottle and praised the Lord that I didn't have to wash it today because I had forgotten that I had washed it yesterday.  Jumped in the shower, quickly rinsed, and after getting out realized I had no clean pants left because I am "in between sizes" AND most of the Winter clothes are still up in the attic getting eaten by rats and moths.  I picked out the no-fail striped shirt and realized my son and I were almost matching.  No biggie.  Woke up IvaJune because we needed to go get flu shots at the doctor's.  Balanced her on the ginormous pile of laundry so I could find my Winter shoes.  I had been wearing flip-flops all Fall.  She fell all the way down the pile and hit her head on the moulding.  I swept her into my arms and hurried out the door with my three year old tagging behind.

He has no idea where we are going.

We get to the doctor's office and after several hoops and signed documents, I announce to James that he is now getting a shot and he needs to be brave.  So we pray.  I ask him if he wants his bink.  Our doctor peeks in and chats with me about the recent nebulizer treatments and chest PT exercises the pulmonologist has added to our daily regime.  She tells me what I want to hear...which is get it done on days where she is particularly raspy, but on days where she is not, feel free to let it slide and do other brain stimulating activities which are also very necessary.  I quickly ask the nurse (as my son is crying) if this shot is thimerosal-free because I just assumed it was.  It was not.  She said they ran out.  Made the decision to postpone the flu shot until I could find a "clean" one.  I felt like a big loser as she threw them away in the trash.  James starts crying again because he now wants the shot that was just thrown in the trash.  We have to do SOMETHING while we're here, so I tell the nurse we'll take the Prevnar shot for June.  Shot administered.  Thomas the train sticker on James.  We leave and head to the pharmacy to pick up an rx.

Pharmacist tells me that I only owe her only 43 cents.  I can't believe it.  Just my luck! I get out my coins....then she says, "No, it's $10"...and then, "No, it's $66.77...they're saying you have another insurance that will pay." I drive away in tears and tell James he is in trouble for screaming while I was talking to the lady.

I start crying on the way home as I leave a message for my husband to take care of the insurance issue, call the therapist to cancel physical therapy and call my early intervention coordinator to tell her I can't meet today either.  I look over and June continues to lie on the floor like a zombie-she's been doing it all morning.

I have little motivation.  I can feed, clothe, and change diapers, but the monster laundry pile has not stopped growing and neither has the amount of dishes that are in my sink nor the medical bills on my counter.  The clothes that are neatly folded from my mother's visit are not yet put away, and I am ready for a nap.  I know you've all been here.  I am thanking God that my friend volunteered to make muffins (that I was supposed to make) for a shower I'm going to tomorrow and is also bringing me a lasagna this evening.  I still need to give June her chest PT, but she is now asleep, so that will be late (again).


I will rest in this:

"I give power to the faint.  I increase strength to them that have no might."
Isaiah 40:29.

Thanks Lord, for this promise for Iva June and for myself.

Ironically, I'm going to a Women's Conference this evening entitled, "Come Away, Rest Awhile".  I just hope I can make it there....