We took a drive last night and as my husband got in the car, he commented on how the friendly check engine light was on...and wouldn't it be cool if people had check engine lights. Indeed. I mean, imagine that. You'd never have to set a boundary again. Your light would just tell you that you were doing too much, or an emotion or feeling was wrong, or that you in fact, had the flu. You'd never have to make an excuse again. You could just say, "Sorry, I can't watch your kids, my check engine light is on." Or, "My light says I need to rest, so no, I can't make the party."
In the past few years I've really tried to listen to the sounds of my body, and essentially, set boundaries...but my hospitality blood always creeps back in to the marrow of my bones and then slowly, I start doing too much, hosting too much, and saying yes to things because I feel guilty.
And then there are those days where you say no to everything but God appears to be saying yes to everything. Like your transmission in your family car keeps slipping and you know it's any day now you'll have to get a new one, like your sporty car has to be jump-started, like you walk into your house only to find the dishwasher has been running and flooding the kitchen and basement with hot water for ten days, like your renter still hasn't moved out over Christmas break even though he's been evicted, like your 4 year old won't eat anything (eagerly) except cereal these days, and you get a phone call from your doctor telling you your thyroid is low, which is probably the reason you've been crying off and on for the last two days. And the list goes on.
But thank God I have good friends who do things like send me encouraging texts, emails and phone calls daily, who supply me with meals because they know I won't be able to cook for weeks, who volunteer to physically pick up my 30 pound child for an hour or change her wiggly bottom so I can take a break, put my feet up, because, by golly I'm pregnant.
Today was such a dichotomy for me...the good and the bad all rolled up into one. I watched my kitchen get demolished while I sat crying with boxes around my feet that I couldn't physically move,....but, I also got to see old friends at lunch, eat dinner with good friends unexpectedly, and then (Hallelujah!) the absolute best part....I got to see June take her first steps in her brand new walker.
This, is a good day. Tomorrow we can deal with the toxic kitchen.
