If you're like me, the following things have happened:
1. Your vacation gets canceled not once, but twice.
2. You've googled "counselor who specializes in ________ near me" at least a dozen times.
3. You have bought a giant kiddie pool with a filter for waaaaaaay too much money and you think you're a chemist because it hasn't turned green yet.
4. You visit the grocery store to browse the non-edible section and suddenly containers of all shapes and sizes interest you, along with Crayola’s new metallic markers and floating animal pool toys.
5. You have not ONCE bought lipstick. Or mascara for that matter. In fact, you’re positive that your lipstick company is going out of business.
6. You have at least two bags of library books and DVD's sitting by your door gathering dust and waiting patiently. They are not talking or bickering. You actually kind of prefer them to your children.
7. You have stocked up on gin. And you are not telling how much.
8. You have now sold most everything in your house on ebay or Poshmark.
9. You buy 3 gallons of milk and 3 jars of peanut butter every time you go to the store.
10. Your dog now thinks he is a person. And your chickens think they are dogs.
Tonight we decided we would part-ay! All 5 of us...And so we suited up, turned on the dub-step, and made our grand entrance into the pool. It was super warm....I couldn't even tell when I had entered the pool to be honest. We had so much fun that we didn't even realize our silent child had puked in the pool....or had gotten naked for that matter-which is a normal occurrence....which brings me to the biggest COVID struggle of all...
Our Bug wants to be naked at all times.
And it's hard. It's not cute anymore. She's 11. And going through puberty. And she has things that shouldn't be seen by everybody, everywhere...even in our backyard by the neighbor boys and the cute couple who tolerates our shenanigans just over the fence...
The other day we were swimming at the beach and I was up on the sand chattering with some friends, and here she comes....streaking out of the water in all of her glory for all to see....Fortunately, I have a slew of friends (thank you!) who took action to help charm her back in the water, call me, and search for her bathing suit...One lucky Dad found her bathing suit underneath his toes and graciously tossed it in our direction as an offering of decency...and we were saved once again. This is not the first or the last time this has happened. The one pro is it sends us all to mass hysteria and giggles like we are in middle school again.
June has also become more obsessive, and this has been harder than one would think. She will climb out of the pool (naked) just so she can move the hose 3 inches to the right, or the toucan float upside-down, or take all the towels and throw them on the ground. TOWELS AND BATHING SUITS MUST BE ON THE GROUND AT ALL TIMES. I have stopped cleaning up the back porch, because she has to throw all clothes and all laundry baskets on the ground. So it might as well stay a dumping-ground until I can wash and fold it. Every door and drawer must be shut. Every light must be turned off. And she is obsessed with the PEANUT BUTTER. It goes on everything and if it can't go on everything, when we are not looking, she screws off the top and dips her entire hand in there and digs out a fistful and stuffs it in her mouth like we are not feeding her. All her toys in her room must be off the shelves and on the floor, but the tub toys must be all in the basket, and the basket must be perfectly lined up against the wall. She can't leave the bathroom until the toilet lid is shut, the light is off, the stool is lined up perfectly, all diapers are in the hamper (why? they go in the trash) and the bath mat is in its proper place.
The OCD or the COVID is going to kill me. I'm just not sure which one.
And when my husband gets home at night, I want him to put the girls to bed. Because I can't take one more single-solitary OCD action. I learned tonight in my marriage class that I'm supposed to say "I can't". So I'm saying it. I can't. But maybe it's more that I don't want to. OCD is so boring, and being naked is sooooo over-rated. I have to admit I just want normal. And here we are again, because normal ain't happening. And the truth is, I smile and laugh when people talk about the diaper stage and the poopy smearing, but deep down inside, I want to blurt out all the truths under my tongue that make me a horrible person. Really, I want to curl up into bed and read myself into my dreams and stay there all night and fast-forward to the fall because....then there will be a schedule...then someone else can deal with the mess yet I have no idea who would feel called to this job, or who would sign up for it...but she signed up! She's here. And I wonder when I will lose her because I lose them all eventually...because this isn't a job for the rich and famous. It's not glorious. It can be boring, hard and zap you of all your energy reserves to chase around an elf with antics.
I remember the doctor said to me years ago...."They did this study where they took all the parents in a room who had children with "special needs" and asked the parents which "special need" they would rather handle in a list of "special needs". Well my doctor said that most of the parents actually picked their child's special need because that's what was familiar and what they knew how to handle.
You know which "special need" I would have picked? I'm embarrassed to say. Because a gift was entrusted to me, and what I do with it can be destructive or loving...but I don't always choose loving.
Sometimes I destroy.
I am thanking God today that He can refine and purify all the things destroyed in fire. In my fire.
May I love well.
Even during a pandemic.
"Remember that when you leave this Earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received-only what you have given: a full heart, enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage."
-Saint Francis of Assisi
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| Cape Charles, July 4 |
