Lucky One

It is the end of the year and all that keeps on going through my head is BAM: I AM THE LUCKY ONE.  Somehow, my three small children are still alive and well.  They were NOT shot to death when they went to school the morning of December 14.  Actually, they were all home sick with me that day and I remember being completely annoyed about that fact.  Shame on me.  Why do I keep trying to look forward to the BIG MOMENTS when all the little moments are so important and hold small golden treasures of their own (thank you Shauna Niequist and Cold Tangerines)?  I don't see them because I'm ready to move on to 7:30 pm when all my kids are safely tucked in bed and I can finally do the dishes, sit down to rest my weary body, and devour the chocolate treat I've been thinking about all day.

Sometimes I am a really good mom, for like 5 minutes.  I'll sit down and actually do a puzzle with them, pretend-play that a wolf is coming to get the silly little farm animals, help them watercolor a master-piece... then I move on to being a bad mom for a whole hour.  Ignoring my kids, yelling instead of disciplining, wishing they would play by themselves, letting them eat things they shouldn't and stare mindlessly into the TV.  Sometimes I can read my kids books like The Crippled Lamb or Mortimer's Christmas Manger (thanks, B!) and feel like I'm making a dent on their eternal perspective....because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt we're going somewhere else. Eventually.  Those precious little Newtown six year olds have found their home sooner than I.  I'm sad for their parents, really.  They are left to pick up their broken hearts and move on in a world too fast-paced for empathy and healing.

We celebrated Christmas tonight before making our trek to see family and with Faith Hill's Christmas album playing in the background (thanks, Jno!), I reminisced on the highlights (and lowlights) of this year.  Some things that stick out are:

-opening the door to our home on January 2, 2012 only to find the dishwasher still running after we had been gone for ten days.
-driving up the coast with my faithful friend Meryl, where I met my sister to tearfully drop off my (then) two kids so I could clean up the house, clean up my emotions, and get prepared for baby #3.
-waking up from a nap while pregnant and Kat (the blessing in my life and June's) had mopped the entire downstairs. 
-looking into the eyes of my 5 minute old baby girl and knowing that she was completely neuro-typical.
-telling June we should "go home now" and following her all the way home while she lead the way in her walker (this has only happened once).
-the Monday after Thanksgiving, my husband calling me and telling me there was no more work left for him at work.
-two times, in the last two weeks when my husband grabbed my hands and we prayed together, begging God for a miracle.  

Sitting by the Christmas tree, I feel God's hand of peace upon our lives, whispering in my ear that there's something good coming.  Looking forward to that moment of celebration.  In the meantime, I will celebrate this season of the Holy Child.  Merry Christmas!

June and Charli captured for a split-second

Freeze; she's poopy

I have a bad day about once a month.  Really, things are pretty good around here.  Just trying to raise a family.  I get tired in the afternoon like every other mom in the world...sometimes I "push-through" til dinner, and sometimes I collapse on the couch.  Sometimes, I squeeze five appointments or social engagements into one day, and sometimes, by mistake I eat five chocolate chip cookies; but today something happened that has never happened in my five years of raising children.

I had just bathed my precious little June bug, toweled her off, and left her on my bed for one second while I went to get her jammies.  I came back and what I saw made me freeze and call Rich at the top of my lungs.  Poop in the hand. Poop in the mouth.  Poop on the bed.  Poop in the hair.  Poop on the pillow. Poop all over June.  Where do you start?  What do you do?  Rich started yelling to swipe the poop out of her mouth and I was thinking, "I just watched her chew it up and swallow it."  I spouted, "You strip the bed, I'll clean the girl."  So you can imagine.  Bath #2.  A LOT of soap.  I was hoping she'd drink water to flush down the poop mouth.  I squirted toothpaste into her mouth to disinfect and deoderize.  Rich took her out, then she started throwing up poop.  Pajamas #2.  She went to bed pretty easily, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but her breath actually smelled good.

This was not really what I was going to write about, but it just happened tonight, so I had to.  I wanted you to know that your night was better than mine.  What I really wanted to say is that Iva June had a social breakthrough with Charlotte.  For the first time ever she interacted with Charlotte in a really sweet way.  We've been waiting for this moment for six months.  June had gotten home from school; Charlotte was on the back porch hanging out in the sunshine with her book.  June has a little Leapfrog magnetic machine that plays the ABC's.  She presses it and listens to it. 
So, she wanted to show Charlotte...

First, tentatively

Playing ABC's for Char

Both getting excited about it

Lied down next to Charlotte listening to music...was melting my heart!

To top it all off, June has been getting increasingly better with fine motor skills.  I think a combination of school, her new OT and trying new toys have helped to foster this in her.  Plus, she seems ready.  I gave her the letters, which I've never done before and she was putting them in the machine with little help.  It was an A+ kind of day and I could have stayed out on that sunny back porch all afternoon!

 This is a gift.  Even if it came with poopy.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

Cheerio heaven

I have an update on my three children in pictures.  Really, there is nothing else going on with them.   June is getting into lots of mischief.  James is learning how to ride his bike, and Charlotte is busy bringing everyone sunshine.  The end. 

I left her alone for just one second...

And she emptied out the ENTIRE box of Cheerios onto the kitchen table.

Cheerio heaven.

Bubble blower

Rich calls her pocket o' sunshine

I just want to snuggle

Alone with the mutes

This morning at 8:00 sharp the boys left me alone with the girls to go sailing.  I had to let them go.  They have to go out there and do their exciting manly stuff....you know, get out in the wilderness, feel heroic and salty from the physical activity, ocean air and sweat.  As you might remember, I sometimes fear being ALONE for long stretches of time (with my precious girls) for many reasons.  #1 It is extremely hard to watch June while I'm nursing Charlotte.  #2 No one speaks to me; they only cry, thrash, bite or kick, yet I am supposed to read their minds and figure out exactly what they want.  #3 I will most likely throw out my back because I will be lifting two babies all day long. #4 I am tempted to eat things or do things I know I shouldn't.  Absolutely no accountability.

So after getting everyone else dressed, fed and diapered, I was ready to finally take a quick shower. I put Charlotte in her crib with the mobile on, then I stuck June in front of the T.V. watching 1 of her 3 favorite shows: Baby Babble 1.  I took a lightning fast shower and ran downstairs.  I found June on my kitchen table doing her morning yoga routine:

Now, this is a normal pose for June, but lately she has been obsessed with this table.  I spent the rest of the morning trying to distract her from being on top of the  table.  We needed to go on a walk....that's what.  So, I put June in her walker and then I put Charlotte in the stroller.  Bad choice.  Every time we got to where the sidewalk meets the road, she would speed up and so I would have to run beside her, pulling the front of the stroller, while I edged her out into the street to check for cars.  I think we got our work-out in. People were staring and making comments like.."Ooh-she's a speedy little thing!", and then of course, there's always some kid yelling, "Mom, that thing is sooo cool!  I WANT one of those!" If they only knew for real how to get one. 

Here's the most interesting part of the walk though.  At one point, I turned her around and said. "June, we are going home."  She protested slightly, but then, I kid you not, she led us home, turns and all, crossing streets, right up the hill into our front yard and then she managed her way to the back yard.  She stood right under her bucket swing and begged.  She knew exactly what she wanted. So I popped her in, and sprayed us all down with Deet.  The mosquitos are still terrible in our neck of the woods.  And we don't even have woods.

You should really think about buying this
bucket seat.  Every kid loves it. 

School days and Spoon days

It was a gorgeous day in Norfolk.  The cool whip clouds on blue boasted big September skies.  I kept thinking the whole morning, "there is nothing too big for my God".  My son was playing on the porch this morning and came running inside shouting, "Mommy, it's Connecticut weather outside!".  I just love that he loves the crisp cool air and being outdoors.  He spent most of the afternoon climbing crape myrtals in our front yard getting the neighbor a bit worried.  Now I've got you worried too.  Yes, I am one of those moms who lets my kid climb trees. 

So, I'm here to tell you how the first week of school went.  Just fine.  That about sums it up.  One of my kids can't talk.  The other one asks me very nicely (or not so nicely), but today it was nicely, "Mommy, I just need a break from talking. Please don't say things to me."  OK.  noted.  So, we'll just look at the big September skies on our way home.  And then you can have lunch and you'll be in a better mood for talking.  That is, exactly half a peanut butter and honey sandwich on wheat bread with 2 mini dill pickles, 3 carrots, a dot of hummus and some fruit.  Every day.  That's what he has.  He might have OCD. 

June's first day of school

June's second day of school

James' first day of school

James didn't love his homework.  He had to journal about having Clifford at his house all weekend.  He's not a super fan of stuffed animals...but we managed to make it fun enough.

 

 

So the week was good because June has been in a really good mood, mainly because she's sleeping hallelujah.  We took her off of the clonidine.  She was still waking up off and on and two of the nights she woke up screaming with bloodshot eyes, and I just had that mommy instinct that it wasn't good for her system.  I decided to try Time Release Melatonin.  The problem with that is how do you get her to swallow a pill?  Very easily.  I just hide it in a spoonful of yoghurt every night.  She has had 8 good nights of sleep in a row minus last night which was probably because she took a nap during the day. She is back to her precious self again and I am so glad because she had a couple of rough weeks. 

Well, here's the big news.  We've been working on it for a while so I could catch it on video.  Here's her debut, entitled "Girl eats with spoon". 

Happy September Ya'll!

Clonidine and Balloon farts

Today I was a big girl.  I watched the kids all by myself.  Miss Kat had school so I decided I'd take the plunge and lock myself in the house with my three kids.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  We took exactly one ride in the car to drive to the drugstore to purchase the long-awaited clonidine and pill cutter.  So I strapped on Charlotte in the Ergo carrier, threw June in the stroller and basically watched James run full speed ahead into the drugstore like we were at the entrance-way of Busch Gardens.  He obviously needed to "get out".  After purchasing everything on my list and some bonus fly-swatters, we headed back home.

 I admit I've been waiting all day to try the clonidine. The hours ticked by ever so
s-l-o-w-l-y.  At 6:48 pm I did what the doctor said to do.  I cut the pill in half, then in half again.  She said it would basically crumble into a million pieces, and I needed to get about a 1/4 of it into her mouth.  So I shoved it in her mouth, added a couple of morsels for extra measure and she chewed it up like a good girl (remember she eats anything, including chalky adult pills).  We brushed teeth, rocked, then I put her to bed. 

I am happy to report that it is 10:05 pm and I haven't heard a peep from the princess bug since 7:00 pm.  I feel very hopeful.  Maybe we will all get some sleep tonight. 

I can't leave you with this sleepy news.  I had to show you what's making my kids laugh these days.  Sweet dreams to half of you.  The other half of you can research clonidine and tell me about all the harmful side-effects. 

Goodnight Little Thief

It's been so hot here in Norfolk that we're doing things like filling up our kiddie pool and diving in mostly naked.  My washing machine is certainly getting a work-out, as we all have about three changes of clothes per day, plus all the towels that have snots, poop, dead bugs and dirt on them need more than a "hang-up" every once in a while.  We used 12 CCFs of water last month.  That's a pretty hefty water bill and I'm feeling semi-guilty about it.  Alas, my children are fascinated with water.  Well, June is absolutely obsessed with water.

But there are other issues going on in our house that need to be mentioned, that have been keeping us up at night.  Screaming, thrashing, staring into the dark...  I know you think this little munchkin must be the culprit stealing our sleep:

Charlotte just shy of 3 months

I assure you she is not.  Let me fill you in.  Back in January we decided that it was time to put James and June in a room together.  The baby would soon be here and she would soon need June's room, which is the "baby room/ office" off Mommy and Daddy's bedroom.  So, I designed a quiet little cove in the corner of James' room with curtains that come down for privacy.  I framed and hung up a mirror and beautiful art work.  I thought she would love it. 

 She, of course did not.  People kept saying, "They'll adjust to each other's sleeping habits, they'll feel more secure with one another."  Balogna.  We gave it a good go. Five whole months of June squawking, sometimes going to sleep at around 10, sometimes not....only to find James tossing and turning, moaning for her to be quiet, while she laughed and talked to the the angels again, at 11, 1, 3 in the morning.  We were all exhausted, including June.  My husband is one of those husbands who gets up in the night with the kids.  I know.  I'm spoiled.

So....we finally figured out that June really wanted her old room back.  She just couldn't tell us.  We knew we were going to have to do some major rearranging and streamlining, because, after all, she needed a "safe place" without cords, or things she could get into, eat or dismantle.  Rich and I created this little place for her this last weekend.  It has all her favorite things.  Notice there are no pretty pictures on the walls for her to pull down.  It has just the essentials:

The gate keeps her from entering the office area

So June has stolen her room back and I am happy to report that she LOVES it.  She spends hours up there playing her keyboard, receiving vest therapy, rocking on her rocking chair (upside-down of course) or just destroying the basket of toys. 

This is not all June has stolen from her sister.  Clearly, she is trying to re-live her baby days:

So all this work, and my little thief is now sleeping peacefully up in her room (we get a little help from 5 mg of melatonin as well).  I guess all that advice about autistic children needing a quiet, cozy room is really true for my baby anyway.  It's been a week now.  So far, so good. Thank you God!

Wish

Today I lost my diamond ring and wedding band.  I was making an apple pie, took it off and put it in a "safe place".  Have you ever done that?  Put something in a "safe place" then can't find it?  I searched high and low (literally) for a good 15 minutes...in the trash can, under the microwave (gross!), in the flour jar, in the pantry.  I mean, it was JUST here.  Where is it?  Windowsill? Dishwasher?  Floor?

My kids are at the park....it wasn't them.

I decided to start washing dishes.  I prayed that God would keep it safe until I found it.  And THAT he did.  Well folks, almost instantly, right then, as I reached my left hand into the sink,  I saw something shiny, sparkling in the light of the dish suds.  I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering if it's going to slip down the drain....I'm embarrassed to say this next part, really.

I pulled my left hand out of the water, and there it was...brilliantly shining at me-all one and a half carats of it...like it always is.

Right where it should be.  The whole time I had actually been feeling the vacant spot on the ring finger of my right hand.

I tell you this story so you can understand just how scrambled my brain is these days.  I rarely have this problem.  I am the one who remembers everyone's names, who nudges my husband to remind him to wish someone a "Happy Birthday", who remembers to send thank you notes.  Well, not anymore.  Please tell me you've had this same problem at some point in your life...maybe when you're on overload, maybe after you've had a baby, or when you're planning a birthday party on a whim....

Today my baby girl turned three years old.  Iva June.  We celebrated with her Daddy on Sunday, but I saved a few cupcakes for her real birthday and invited exactly one friend over because June doesn't really enjoy parties.  She gets overstimulated, usually spending most of the time upside-down on her head, looking at the ceiling and stimming wildly, wishing she was up there with the angels again.

What a day!  She wore her pink frilly shorts and polka dot legwarmers to school.  She was on her absolutely best best best behavior.  Hardly any screaming or crying at all.  Miss Kat bought her the "meowsic" which was (of course) a BIG hit:

Did I tell you Miss Kat is deathly (almost comically) afraid of cats?

"Meow, meow, meow"

Another big hit from
Grandma Mary Jane was this Discovery Aquarium.
Both kids were completely mesmerized:
 

 

And I cannot forget the actual eating of the birthday dessert.  June wanted nothing to do with those mini carrot cupcakes I slaved over.  She did, however, play with the frosting and was delighted by the candles:

 This is going to be a good year for June!  I can feel it in my bones!  James and I are praying that she says one word this year.  Will you join us?

Jammy time

I'm typing with one hand.  If I'm ever going to post again, I better get used to it, because the only moments I have to myself are while my daughter is nursing.  Charlotte Rose-Marie came to grace our lives with her presence about six weeks ago and she is every bit as perfect as I had imagined.  The second week of her life she rotated 180 degrees on our bed, and I knew I had a fighter.  She was over 11 pounds at her one month check-up.  I'm praising God for all these little things that I took for granted with my first child.

My husband took the kids to his parents' home this weekend, and I stayed home so I could "get some rest", "get some things done".  Well, you know how that goes with a newborn....At least the toys are staying exactly where I put them, and I am sleeping every time Char does.

I went out to dinner last night with a friend.  Charlotte screamed the entire time.  Fortunately, it was a loud restaurant anyway.  On the way home, I stopped to get gas and somehow managed to pour gasoline all down the entire right side of my body.  Baby was screaming in the car and I sort of just stood there and waited for some of the residue to evaporate off of me, all the time wondering how I was going to drive home without poisoning my baby with toxic fumes.  I dabbed at my body with exactly two wet wipes, closed the door, rolled down the windows, and drove as fast as I could. Got home at 9:15 pm only to find I had locked myself out of the house.  I left Charlotte screaming on the porch while I called my husband who instructed me to "go get the ladder and crawl through a window".  I obeyed dutifully, but it was truly an out of body experience for me. I was watching myself scale the heights of my house while I luckily pried open the screen, then window.  Then, sort of jumping (in flip-flops), managed to teeter on the edge of the sill and plop-landed in a heap on the floor.  It never felt so good to sleep in my own bed.

My husband texted me a half-hour later to remind me to put the ladder back near the shed.  I just laughed because what woman in her right mind would leave a ladder propped up against the house to invite all weirdos in?  Thanks, honey.  I know you're looking out for me.

On the more "normal" nights, this is what we're up to after bath time:

princess mom, claps, and new glasses

Well it's the home stretch and the doctor told me today that she's concerned about swelling and possible clotting in my left leg.  Perfect. So I need to sit around more, propping my leg up, playing princess and eating bon-bons.  I feel very guilty while doing this.  Luckily, I have Miss Kat to help me, a huge blessing in my life and June's.  She's going above and beyond the call of duty in the afternoons.  I can't believe it's all about to change in a couple weeks.  Am I ready for this third baby? Not quite sure. 

Some very exciting things have been happening in June's life.  Her teacher wrote me to tell me that she imitated clapping at school two times in one day! This is such a BIG deal. It's the first sign that she may be able to coordinate her hands in a way to communicate with us.  She has also been clapping more at home, and throwing temper tantrums when she wants something.  I never thought I'd thank God for temper tantrums, but it has also been a sign that she wants something else.  She has an opinion.  Now, to encourage her to show us in the right way...by pointing or signing, both of which seem years out of reach....

We have also been adding eye drops every night to June's left eye in order to make her see things blurry.  You don't know how hard this is for us to do.  Purposely blinding your child, so her right eye will get stronger.  The idea is that she will want to wear her glasses more because she can't see well.  We just got her new glasses two days ago and it's working!  She is actually tolerating them and seems to be more interested in looking at things through the lenses:

She still enjoys mirrors and she is quite a character when she sees herself in one.  She sticks her tongue out, moving it all around, completely curious about this little girl on the other side who does exactly what she does.

I can honestly say that I am falling more and more in love with this little girl every day. Wondering how I will love another one this much, but people say it's possible...

June's first day in new glasses

Really enjoying this transportation book lately

These guys love their couch time together

James knows just how to get her to laugh....