S I X T E E N

It’s the day before Thanksgiving and I woke up at 6:30 am and was greeted hello by my big boy, the boy who had freshly turned 16 about two hours before my eyes saw the sun. We both knew where we were going. I grabbed coffee and tossed him the keys and we pulled into the DMV parking lot at approximately 7:30 am. He said, “Mom, am I doing all the talking or are you?”

I’ll probably remember that question for the rest of my life as I sat there in the waiting room while he talked to the man behind the counter. I was called back to the line for payment, signatures and a list of rules to adhere to while I  contemplated why some DMV workers were so much kinder than others. We had the kind one. 

We hopped in the car and I told him he could go anywhere he wants since it’s his birthday. We made our way to the place no mother wants to go to at 8:00 am, but agrees to because it’s a yes day after all. He orders a milkshake and we park in the parking lot while he shows me all the pictures his friends are sending him on his birthday. 

 I remember his baby cheeks and his puffy skin after he was born and take in his hollow dimples and handsome smile and I see him more clearly year after year. It was hundreds of days learning how to be a decent human. It was a thousand tiny mistakes and then one grand success. It was wonderful, then it was heartbreaking. It was the joy of the Lord, and then hiding under a rock. It was slow, then it was fast. And then there was that year that I thought we weren’t going to make it…when the lights turned out and we fumbled around in the dark bumping into rocks, tripping over demons and begging God to make it all end. And it didn’t end slowly. It dragged on and on and on. And finally we made our way back to normal, then, good, then thriving. Then…one day I blinked and I have a 16 year old wonder boy who weathered the storm, came out on the other side and is stronger and wiser because of it. 

Last week James said, “ Mom, did you know that boys need some sort of hard thing to overcome in their life so they can triumph and be better because of it….but girls need the opposite. They need a steady, wonderful home with lots of love and support.”

It made sense. I wasn’t sure if he had figured out that it was himself he was talking about.

Our baby boy turned 16 today and we can see where he is headed. The sky is blue, the roads are wide, and the sunshine is smiling on him. God is leading him forward with this invisible string and everything is falling into place, piece by piece. It has been the most patient process. James, my dear, we see that the Spirit of the Lord is upon you. 

Don’t ever stop letting your little light shine. 

May it only get brighter with time.