Isn't that how it is? We dance in these circular waves of existence, acting like things are fine at times, and refusing, or pushing down emotion, stuffing and compacting old and new trash, and then when we take a second to rest, we're choking, gasping for air, asking God to take away the pain because we can't breathe, can't sleep.
It's hard to balance your life perfectly. Having it all equal out into 8 perfect apple-pie sections where we spend the right time in the right place, with each child, husband, friend, and God...having the right amount of time set aside for cleaning bathrooms, dusting shelves, baking bread, running 3 miles, reading some non-fiction, researching the latest obsession on google, emailing a teacher, socializing, being hospitable, being crafty, adventurous and daring, blogging, and baring your soul to one another.
This got me thinking about how simple June's life is, how simple it will always be. She will always be searching for the beautiful in the landscape...the lines, the contrasting color. She is generally content when her basic need of being fed, clothed and toileted is met. She could live in a yurt and in fact, would want to. She will most likely never have an over-crowded life, too much to think about or time-manage. She will forever take pleasure in the little loves of nature like the wind blowing, or the trees swaying, or water splashing. She will take her time learning to talk, learning to walk.
My little June certainly teaches me something almost daily, and tonight as we practiced walking with her new "belt" on, I saw her face light up with joy as we praised her for her accomplishments, every little step a little closer to the real steps that she will take one day soon.
We ended the night in a living room huddle. The clock kept ticking away and we kept prolonging the bed-time ritual. I almost never do that, but tonight, it felt good to watch June walk in circles with her belt on, face beaming. Tonight, I read a magazine while the kiddos played on Daddy, taking deep, strong, healthy breaths and hearty laughs. Tonight, I made pumpkin pancakes and eggs for dinner, because a green veggie and chicken (again) seemed too boring. Tonight, I let the dishes rest in the sink while I reflected on the day. Tonight, I spent extra time reading to June bug the story of the Velveteen Rabbit...because she was listening. With all my family snoring upstairs, tonight I will join them.
I am loving this post. This is so wonderful. I love and miss you all.
ReplyDelete-b